How to Set New Year’s Resolutions You’ll Actually Follow Through On
Every December, people start talking about “new year, new me.” But in therapy, I see a different story play out every January: People set goals with genuine intention… and by the end of the month, they feel discouraged, self-critical, or like they “failed.”
The issue isn’t lack of discipline. It’s that most resolutions are built on unrealistic expectations, unclear plans, and pressure, rather than on an understanding of how real, sustainable change works. This post will walk you through how to set resolutions that actually stick; rooted in psychological science, behavioural change principles, and compassion for the parts of you that have tried (and struggled) before.
1. Start With Your Why (Not Your Shoulds)
Resolutions fail when they’re built on:
“I should lose weight.”
“I should be more productive.”
“I should stop procrastinating.”
When a goal comes from external pressure, it triggers shame and avoidance—not motivation.
Instead, ask yourself:
What would feel meaningful or supportive to me this year?
What am I craving more of?
Examples:
“I want to feel stronger and more energized.”
“I want a calmer start to my day.”
“I want to trust myself to follow through.”
Your why becomes the anchor that carries you through moments of resistance.
2. Choose Fewer Goals (Your Brain Can’t Focus on 10 Things at Once)
Most people set far too many resolutions. But behaviour change research consistently shows that focus increases follow-through. Pick one to three goals max! You can add more later once you have momentum, but clarity increases commitment. If you try to do everything all at once, we often end up overwhelmed and avoidant of completing them.
3. Make the Goal Smaller Than You Think
The number one reason goals collapse? They’re too big, too fast.
People commit to:
“I’ll run every day.”
“I’ll meditate for 30 minutes.”
“I’ll overhaul my entire routine.”
But motivation peaks in January and naturally dips by February. Smaller goals keep you regulated instead of overwhelmed.
Try this instead:
10 minutes of movement.
5 minutes of morning quiet time.
One weekly check-in with yourself.
Small is not weak, small is sustainable. The positive impact of completing the small task consistently builds momentum and resiliency to build upon it. Versus when we complete a big task inconsistently, we get defeated and self-critical which detours us from the end goal.
4. Build the Habit Into a Routine You Already Have
Attaching a new behaviour to an existing one dramatically increases success.
Examples:
After I brush my teeth, I stretch for 2 minutes.
After I walk the dog, I journal one line.
After I make coffee, I take my supplements.
This is called “habit stacking,” and it removes friction by giving your brain a predictable cue. For me, I make a coffee and my electrolyte drink before I workout. Over time my body has associated these things with exercise and I can feel it start to get more energized and shift into “workout mode” (plus my electrolytes taste like the peach drink from Tim Hortons - yum!).
5. Expect Disruptions (And Make a Plan for Them)
Life happens: busy weeks, illness, stress, weather, mood dips. This is not failure, it’s human. When things happen that require our resources (time, energy, patience, money), we need to be ready to support ourselves in real life - the one that ebs and flows.
Ask yourself:
“What is my bare-minimum version of this goal when life gets busy?”
Examples:
If I can’t do a full workout, I’ll do 5 minutes.
If I can’t journal a page, I’ll write one sentence.
If I can’t follow the routine, I’ll do the smallest meaningful step.
Success is consistency, not perfection.
6. Track Progress in a Compassionate, Non-Obsessive Way
Tracking helps your brain see evidence that the change is working. However it can also be something that prompts our inner-critic. If you find that you struggle with your inner critic, I encourage you to only track what is absolutely needed. That may mean ditching the watch. You don’t need data to tell you whether or not your worked hard enough. But sometimes data can be helpful for reflection to notice patterns.
Instead try tracking with:
A simple checklist.
Colouring in a square on a grid when you complete something
A weekly reflection question like: What worked this week, and what do I need next?
Tracking is not about judging yourself. It’s about gathering data so you can adjust without shame.
7. Make Sure the Goal Isn’t a Punishment
A sustainable resolution feels supportive, not self-attacking.
If your goal sounds like:
“I need to fix myself.”
“I’m not enough unless I…”
“I have to earn rest/love/food.”
that’s a sign the goal needs reframing. Ultimately most of us want to feel happier, more energized and fulfilled in our lives. The journey is where this happens. If you can’t experience these things until the final goal is completed, you may benefit from some mindset and belief work. Loosing 50lbs is great, but if your perception is that you will only be happier, loved, capable (insert whatever other positive outcome) when you reach that goal, your mindset is sabotaging you.
Your resolution should help you feel more grounded, capable, and connected to yourself, not smaller or more restricted.
8. Share Your Goal With Someone You Trust
Accountability increases follow-through, but not the performative “announce your goals online” kind. Pick a supportive person and ask them to check in with your progress (not your perfection). Choose someone who you feel you can be vulnerable with when you’re struggling, share what it’s like on the hard weeks, and who you can celebrate along the way with.
Sometimes simply saying a goal out loud strengthens your commitment to it.
9. Review Your Resolution Monthly (Not Just on New Year’s Day)
Change is a living process. What supports you in January might need adjusting by April. The plan to achieve something will always look different at the end than the beginning. There is no way to know exactly what life is going to throw at you and how you’re going to handle it. Routine check-ins give you the opportunity to ask yourself how you’re doing and how you can show-up for yourself like you would a friend.
Once a month, ask:
What’s working?
What’s not?
What adjustment would feel supportive?
Is this goal still aligned with who I’m becoming?
When you treat your resolution like a relationship instead of a contract, it becomes flexible… and sustainable.
Final Thoughts
Setting resolutions is not about reinventing yourself, it’s about supporting yourself. The goal isn’t the outcome. It’s the identity you’re building: someone who shows up for themselves with compassion, consistency, and clarity.
If you want your resolutions to succeed this year, don’t ask: “How do I become a new me?”
Ask: “What would help me feel more like myself?”
If you’d like support building sustainable change this year…
You’re welcome to book a session with me. In therapy, we can explore the patterns that make follow-through difficult, develop routines that fit your life, and understand the emotional blocks that get in the way of change.
Haley Veronyak
Registered Psychotherapist
Georgetown, ON & virtually across Ontario.
